This one thing will solve your relationship problem

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I came across this quote and it triggered a series of thoughts in my mind on how people approach relationships, and why they sometimes work, or don’t work. It’s by Jim Rohn.

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.” Now I say, “I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me

Usually a relationship falls into four predominant categories:

  1. You’re only concerned about yourself, and you have a partner to fulfill your emotional and physical needs
  2. You’re all “crazy in love” and all you’re concerned about is your partner, and you sometimes even neglect yourself
  3. You look after your partner because they fulfill your needs, and you should therefore fulfill their needs too. This is the typical “give to get” relationship.
  4. You look after yourself and take responsibility for your own happiness, and you help your partner out too when they are in need.

It’s a no-brainer that the first one doesn’t work. It can go on for sometime if you both are in for the same reason, but if you’re a serious guy or girl, you better solve your real problems that created this need, and move on and do something more worthwhile with your life.

The second one funny enough, doesn’t work either because you drain your partner and suck the life out of him or her by giving them so much and making them so indebted to you that they usually end up frustrated and overburdened and split up. And then you’re thinking – “Hey, I did everything for you, and still you were so ungrateful”. Bah!

The give to get relationship won’t work either. It’s pretty sad, but unfortunately most relationships now are of this nature. If you give to get, your expectations are always increasing and the other person never gives as much as you do. Yeah, right!

The fourth relationship is what is actually selfless and works best. If you are emotionally healthy and satisfied and are not dependent on someone to provide it for you, then you can give your best to your partner too. They feel happy, protected and free in your company and you become their source of inspiration. Your lively nature becomes their source of admiration, and slowly they catch it too.

In fact, you will usually click with a partner with a similar motivation.

Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments below…

Radha Govinda has been living as a monk at Bhaktivedanta Manor for over 8 years now, and is a musician, motivational speaker and a writer. He likes sharing inspirational stories and wisdom from the ancient East and has a passion to encourage people to take up spritual practices. He holds a Master's degree in Mechatronics and worked in Control Systems engineering for Fluor before deciding to take up spiritual life full time as a monk in 2009. He now travels around the country sharing his experiences with people interested in yoga and spirituality.

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